Just a Nickel and a Smile
I never carry change with me. I keep a glass on my windowsill that my mother sent from Red Envelope one year for Hanukah, and any time I wind up with change, as soon as I get home it goes into that glass. When the glass gets full, I roll all the coins and bring them to the bank.
At the top of the Embarcadero BART station, right where Market and Spear Streets intersect, there are often homeless people. It's a good spot for them. The people commuting, the tourists nearby due to the Hyatt, all the people going to the Ferry Building, and all the other people going to the Financial District for work.
There's one black guy who used to stand right in the middle of everything and in a booming voice, say, "Just a nickel and a smile, will last a lonnnnng while. Help the homeless with a nickel!" In general, I never give homeless people money. Leftover food, yes, but money, no. (As an aside, I am reading a book and today read a sentence in it that had seven commas. I was so shocked that I read the sentence three times before mentally editing the commas down to a slightly more reasonable five.)
He always dressed in a way that showed he knew what was going on in the world. During Gay Pride he'll wear rainbows, during the elections he wore an Obama hat, etc. When it would rain he'd have a different saying that I can't think of now, but there was something about hearing his voice every day that made me smile inside.
Not that I was happy he is homeless of course, but there was just something about the guy. I'm not sure what it was.
Today I was downtown running errands. I walked past the entrance to Embacadero BART and heard a homeless guy speaking to someone. He was sitting on the divider between the stairs and escalator. I walked to my nearby bus stop and checked to see how many minutes it would be until my bus came. Then I realized the homeless man's voice had sounded familiar.
I haven't spent much time in this area lately since I'm not working. But I thought it might be that nickel and smile guy. I stood waiting for my bus.
I have change.
It might not be him.
Who am I kidding, it's him?
I can't afford to be giving away money now.
Do I even have change?
It's just thirty cents.
Stop, I really can't afford to open this door.
I'll never miss this money.
I know me - if I start giving him money I'm going to have a hard time not giving everyone all my money.
I have no idea how much is in my change jar. I'll never miss it.
I'm going to miss my bus if I go over.
I will NEVER miss this money.
I walked over and looked at him, all of a sudden feeling a little shy. He looked at me and waited. "Are you the nickel and smile guy?" His face lit up as he said it. "Just a nickel and a smile lasts a lonnnng while. Help the homeless with a nickel!"
I never engage in conversations with homeless people. Not long after I moved to San Francisco, I got attacked by a homeless guy just outside my apartment building. Right before I was about to kick the guy off me I happened to look into his eyes, and he into mine. I realized he wasn't seeing me at the same time he realized I wasn't who he was seeing in his mind, and he let go of me.
Sometimes I say, "No, sorry," as I walk by and they ask me for money. Sometimes I say "Want this?" as I hold out a bag of leftovers. But in general, I don't make conversation.
I told the guy I remembered him from over two years ago, when I used to work nearby. He told me he still says it, but usually during rush hour. I checked my watch. "Two more hours." He pointed behind me. I looked, and saw the clock on the Ferry Building. Down on the street, I saw my bus only a block away. I couldn't figure out what to say to the guy.
"Well, I'm sorry you're still doing this, but it's nice to see you again," I finally settled on, and dropped a nickel and a quarter into his cup. "You too," he told me. "Have a nice day."
I didn't miss my bus. And I won't miss that thirty cents either.
At the top of the Embarcadero BART station, right where Market and Spear Streets intersect, there are often homeless people. It's a good spot for them. The people commuting, the tourists nearby due to the Hyatt, all the people going to the Ferry Building, and all the other people going to the Financial District for work.
There's one black guy who used to stand right in the middle of everything and in a booming voice, say, "Just a nickel and a smile, will last a lonnnnng while. Help the homeless with a nickel!" In general, I never give homeless people money. Leftover food, yes, but money, no. (As an aside, I am reading a book and today read a sentence in it that had seven commas. I was so shocked that I read the sentence three times before mentally editing the commas down to a slightly more reasonable five.)
He always dressed in a way that showed he knew what was going on in the world. During Gay Pride he'll wear rainbows, during the elections he wore an Obama hat, etc. When it would rain he'd have a different saying that I can't think of now, but there was something about hearing his voice every day that made me smile inside.
Not that I was happy he is homeless of course, but there was just something about the guy. I'm not sure what it was.
Today I was downtown running errands. I walked past the entrance to Embacadero BART and heard a homeless guy speaking to someone. He was sitting on the divider between the stairs and escalator. I walked to my nearby bus stop and checked to see how many minutes it would be until my bus came. Then I realized the homeless man's voice had sounded familiar.
I haven't spent much time in this area lately since I'm not working. But I thought it might be that nickel and smile guy. I stood waiting for my bus.
I have change.
It might not be him.
Who am I kidding, it's him?
I can't afford to be giving away money now.
Do I even have change?
It's just thirty cents.
Stop, I really can't afford to open this door.
I'll never miss this money.
I know me - if I start giving him money I'm going to have a hard time not giving everyone all my money.
I have no idea how much is in my change jar. I'll never miss it.
I'm going to miss my bus if I go over.
I will NEVER miss this money.
I walked over and looked at him, all of a sudden feeling a little shy. He looked at me and waited. "Are you the nickel and smile guy?" His face lit up as he said it. "Just a nickel and a smile lasts a lonnnng while. Help the homeless with a nickel!"
I never engage in conversations with homeless people. Not long after I moved to San Francisco, I got attacked by a homeless guy just outside my apartment building. Right before I was about to kick the guy off me I happened to look into his eyes, and he into mine. I realized he wasn't seeing me at the same time he realized I wasn't who he was seeing in his mind, and he let go of me.
Sometimes I say, "No, sorry," as I walk by and they ask me for money. Sometimes I say "Want this?" as I hold out a bag of leftovers. But in general, I don't make conversation.
I told the guy I remembered him from over two years ago, when I used to work nearby. He told me he still says it, but usually during rush hour. I checked my watch. "Two more hours." He pointed behind me. I looked, and saw the clock on the Ferry Building. Down on the street, I saw my bus only a block away. I couldn't figure out what to say to the guy.
"Well, I'm sorry you're still doing this, but it's nice to see you again," I finally settled on, and dropped a nickel and a quarter into his cup. "You too," he told me. "Have a nice day."
I didn't miss my bus. And I won't miss that thirty cents either.
Labels: Branching Out, Homeless, Overthinking, Pounding the pavement
posted by Green at 12/14/2009 06:01:00 PM
8 Comments:
Good for you. You probably also came him a sense of having a positive effect on the world. A nice Xmas story.
Wow, you gave a whole 30 cents? I'm terribly impressed! No, really, it must have been horrible to pry that loose change from your fingers to give to him.
Seriously, think about someone else. You are experiencing what it is like to be poor, for the first time in your life, and you actually think you are a good person for giving 30 cents. You need a wake-up call about real life.
Right before I was about to kick the guy off me I happened to look into his eyes, and he into mine. I realized he wasn't seeing me at the same time he realized I wasn't who he was seeing in his mind, and he let go of me.
I wonder if that guy's name was Charlie... just an idle thought...
Charlie - your comment would be appropriae if Green was back on her feet financially and still gave 30 cents. NOT COOL!
Green -this must have won you some good karma points.
Charlie, lighten up!! If everyone who passed by gave this homeless guy 30 cents, he'd have more money than you or me. And if we all gave 30 cents to every homeless person we run across, we'd all be broke in no time flat. Is Green supposed to give him all the money in her bank account and then throw him out of his spot so she can be the one on the corner saying "A nickel and a smile will last a loonnnng while"? I'm thinking that wouldn't solve a damn thing.
Green gave him more than the nickel he asked for, and at a time when 30 cents actually does mean a lot to her, probably more like $30 or $300 might be to you. Or, if you're in the Bill Gates income bracket, something like $30,000. Will 30 cents solve the man's problems? No, it will not, but it will help.
And she also gave him the "smile" part - she treated him like a real person, and let him know that she remembered him and had thought about him and even liked him. Given how most people treat the homeless, I'd say he probably appreciated that "smile" as much as he appreciated the 30 cents.
Charlie - care to share all of you charitable contributions over the past year? Feel free to post receipts of your donations and or pictures of you hard at work for Habitat for Humanity or mentoring needy children
Green - good for you for just being you and sharing what you had - a moment of time and the money.
A very green-yogurty post indeed. This is what makes this blog so special (would wish for the return of the legal secretary in law-firm stuff, though, for one's or another's sake).
Anyway, what I still don't get: Why don't you try to make at least some bucks by linking to e.g. amazon.com when you are linking a book? What do people here think? Would it compromise the credibility? Are there other reasons not to do this?
i used to "seed" my pockets with a certain amount of change each day, and give it out to people as the day went on. i wouldn't feel guilty about running out. just apropos of the guilt i used to feel when i couldn't "help" everyone... i also used to give away leftovers, i've become less eager to do that after several people dumped the food - sometimes in the middle of the street - immediately after i left. in college i used to give my makeup to the guy who hung out outside my dorm, i've never seen anyone get more excited. it's hard to know what to do, i still remember you laughing when i gave $ to the horrendous james brown impostor on market street.
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