I Have Genital Herpes
Okay, not really. But I have no problem saying that (probably because it's not true). I was happily playing Scramble on Facebook* while the television was on, when 9am asked if I had just seen "that commercial." I wasn't watching and tried to think about what I'd heard. "About genital herpes?" Yes, he says, and he asks if I would say, "I have genital herpes" on television for $10,000. No, wait! For ONE MILLION dollars!
Me: Sure.
9am: WHAT?!
Me: What? It's a commercial. You're playing a character. It's not real. Everyone knows that.
9am: Well not me.
Me: Why not?
9am: Because!
Me: Because why?
9am: Because I don't want anyone thinking I might have it!
Me: But it's a character! Entire Friends episodes have revolved around this very issue.
9am: No way. I wouldn't want anyone making the mistake of ....
I put down my laptop and went over to the kitchen to drive my point home.
Me: Look. Do you consider yourself smart?
9am: I can be dumb.
Me: Do you, or do you not, consider yourself to be smart?
9am: Sure
Me: Okay, would you say you're attracted to smart people?
9am: Sure
Me: So don't you think intelligent people are capable of seeing an actor in a commercial on television and knowing they are doing and saying exactly what they are being paid to do and say? When you see a man in a white coat sitting on a stool in front of a dentist's chair talking about gum do you really believe you're seeing a dentist?
9am: Yeah, but...
Me: No. Look, consider this: Saying you have herpes on tv would actually HELP you. Because any asshole dumb enough to think anything you say in a commercial is true will obviously be someone you won't be interested in. Right? It's a weeding out process!
9am: ...
Me: Thank you and good night.
For a smart guy, sometimes 9am is not the sharpest tack out there.
*My little cousin is on Facebook and posted her phone number. Freaked me the hell out and made my heart drop until I realized her profile is private.
Me: Sure.
9am: WHAT?!
Me: What? It's a commercial. You're playing a character. It's not real. Everyone knows that.
9am: Well not me.
Me: Why not?
9am: Because!
Me: Because why?
9am: Because I don't want anyone thinking I might have it!
Me: But it's a character! Entire Friends episodes have revolved around this very issue.
9am: No way. I wouldn't want anyone making the mistake of ....
I put down my laptop and went over to the kitchen to drive my point home.
Me: Look. Do you consider yourself smart?
9am: I can be dumb.
Me: Do you, or do you not, consider yourself to be smart?
9am: Sure
Me: Okay, would you say you're attracted to smart people?
9am: Sure
Me: So don't you think intelligent people are capable of seeing an actor in a commercial on television and knowing they are doing and saying exactly what they are being paid to do and say? When you see a man in a white coat sitting on a stool in front of a dentist's chair talking about gum do you really believe you're seeing a dentist?
9am: Yeah, but...
Me: No. Look, consider this: Saying you have herpes on tv would actually HELP you. Because any asshole dumb enough to think anything you say in a commercial is true will obviously be someone you won't be interested in. Right? It's a weeding out process!
9am: ...
Me: Thank you and good night.
For a smart guy, sometimes 9am is not the sharpest tack out there.
*My little cousin is on Facebook and posted her phone number. Freaked me the hell out and made my heart drop until I realized her profile is private.
Labels: 9am
posted by Green at 7/01/2008 10:01:00 PM
3 Comments:
I'd do it for less than $10k
I think my profile is private... I think. I still would be wary about posting anything too private there.
No amount of money would be enough for me to be myself on TV - but to pretend? Hell yeah. Give me herpes - and I will happily deposit the million dollars in LN's college fund.
9am is very self-conscious.
I they read blogs at anonymous herpes dating and support community POZGROUP.COM, they will never say they have herpes only for money when they do not have it.
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