Things I Have An Opinion About Even Though I Don't Need One
I like 9am. He's a genuinely nice guy, and I don't just say that because he brought me flowers on Valentine's Day. A friend was recently telling me something about one of her friends, who we'll call Toast. I've never met Toast, but from listening to my friend talk about her, it seems Toast has alienated many of her friends. My friend likes her anyway. "She's a good person," my friend insists. In what way, I want to ask her. Since she reads this, I guess I am now. Hey, at least I know I'm friends with a loyal friend.
9am worked at the United Nations at one point. Last night when I got home from work he told me he'd thought everyone he worked with had hated him. I didn't have to ask why. He's quiet, introverted, takes a while to get comfortable with people, and has a strong work ethic. Surely you can see how that combination could work against a person. 9am explained that the other people he worked with would take an hour for lunch at the UN's cafeteria (which he insists is both inexpensive and has very good food), but then go take a half hour to sit around in the lounge. At 3:30 they would also go take another break. 9am wasn't down with that and never hung out with those people, so yesterday when he got a ping from a fellow Uner, he was surprised.
I was listening to all this while 9am was unpacking a banker's lamp that had come in the mail for him. He made unhappy faces as he balled up the yards of plastic packed into the box. He mumbled about landfills and the future. "Does this mean when you have a kid you aren't going to use disposable diapers?" I inquired. 9am looked up at me and waved his hands around. "That's really going to fall under the Mrs.'s territory," he replied. A thought popped into my head, and immediately out of my mouth. "Are you going to change your kid's diapers?" asked she with no censoring abilities whatsoever.
9am got flustered and could not answer me. And it wasn't because I'd been so forward to ask that. He didn't have the balls to say no, he does not plan to change his own kid's diapers, but did not want to say yes, and commit to having to do it.
In the past I think it's been mentioned that 9am is a bit old fashioned. He likes the values of yesteryear and all that shit. Now, I'm all for that old-school set up of being that woman who lets her husband bring home the bacon, while I clean the dish said bacon will be served upon. But there is no way in hell I would EVER marry any man who would not change his own kid's diapers. NO FREAKING WAY.
I've never been in a relationship serious enough that marriage was discussed, so I don't know what issues are appropriate to have as dealbreakers. But I've never done things the traditional way and I suppose there's no reason to start with marriage, so you'd better believe if you want to marry me, you will be changing the diapers of any kids you contribute to producing (or raising, because there's nothing wrong with adoption).
9am has told me he wants to get married and have kids and all that traditional stuff. Somebody should tell him he'd better not tell the woman his plan to avoid diapers. I am tempted to put his name up on one of those sites that warns other women about bad men. Except … he's not a bad guy, deep down. For all I know, 9am is banging away on his own keyboard about how ridiculous I am to think any guy would be that involved in the details of his offspring. I wonder what he calls me on his blog...
9am worked at the United Nations at one point. Last night when I got home from work he told me he'd thought everyone he worked with had hated him. I didn't have to ask why. He's quiet, introverted, takes a while to get comfortable with people, and has a strong work ethic. Surely you can see how that combination could work against a person. 9am explained that the other people he worked with would take an hour for lunch at the UN's cafeteria (which he insists is both inexpensive and has very good food), but then go take a half hour to sit around in the lounge. At 3:30 they would also go take another break. 9am wasn't down with that and never hung out with those people, so yesterday when he got a ping from a fellow Uner, he was surprised.
I was listening to all this while 9am was unpacking a banker's lamp that had come in the mail for him. He made unhappy faces as he balled up the yards of plastic packed into the box. He mumbled about landfills and the future. "Does this mean when you have a kid you aren't going to use disposable diapers?" I inquired. 9am looked up at me and waved his hands around. "That's really going to fall under the Mrs.'s territory," he replied. A thought popped into my head, and immediately out of my mouth. "Are you going to change your kid's diapers?" asked she with no censoring abilities whatsoever.
9am got flustered and could not answer me. And it wasn't because I'd been so forward to ask that. He didn't have the balls to say no, he does not plan to change his own kid's diapers, but did not want to say yes, and commit to having to do it.
In the past I think it's been mentioned that 9am is a bit old fashioned. He likes the values of yesteryear and all that shit. Now, I'm all for that old-school set up of being that woman who lets her husband bring home the bacon, while I clean the dish said bacon will be served upon. But there is no way in hell I would EVER marry any man who would not change his own kid's diapers. NO FREAKING WAY.
I've never been in a relationship serious enough that marriage was discussed, so I don't know what issues are appropriate to have as dealbreakers. But I've never done things the traditional way and I suppose there's no reason to start with marriage, so you'd better believe if you want to marry me, you will be changing the diapers of any kids you contribute to producing (or raising, because there's nothing wrong with adoption).
9am has told me he wants to get married and have kids and all that traditional stuff. Somebody should tell him he'd better not tell the woman his plan to avoid diapers. I am tempted to put his name up on one of those sites that warns other women about bad men. Except … he's not a bad guy, deep down. For all I know, 9am is banging away on his own keyboard about how ridiculous I am to think any guy would be that involved in the details of his offspring. I wonder what he calls me on his blog...
Labels: 9am, Future Green
posted by Green at 6/10/2008 09:46:00 AM
7 Comments:
Eh. Really, when it comes right down to it, I'm still friends with Toast because she is the scariest self-mutilator I have ever met. I seriously think that she would be the worst you've ever met as well, and I know that's saying something. I feel bad for the girl, to be so completely fucked in the head and not even think to do anything about it. She's a fucking trainwreck, but in there somewhere, beneath the debilitating lack of self-esteem, the complete selfishness and all the damned birds, she is a good person. Remind me to tell you a couple things I learned about her while my friend was staying with us last week, they're WHOA.
and there you go. I wish I could ask a semi-rheutorical question on my blog and have an answer right away.
Ha. that is a good idea for a screenplay - two bloggers blogging exclusively of each other about the same events. I think I would call you Betty Boop if I didn't know about Green.
I read a bit about the whole disposable vs reusable diaper stuff before our daughter was born (although I never really considered using cloth or any type of reusable diapers) and found out that the disposable ones are not more damaging for the environment. Water, energy, detergent and maybe pollution from vehicles if you use a laundry service for cloth diapers have to be taken into account. So it doesn't really matter which type you use.
Whether disposable or not: The important thing is to have a guy who does his part of changing them!
If he's a genuine guy, he may say he wont change 'em... but he will.
I met someone recently who was VERY green. So much so, that she didnt let her child have any plastic toys. Because of the landfills.
He's the type who will end up not only changing the baby, but bathing it and taking it for walks in the buggy. Most guys say they will never change a stinky diaper until that product of their loins is handed to them still sticky from the birth and they fall head over heals in love.
My big hairy tough guy hubby cried when he was handed our daughters. He suprised me about how much he wanted to help with after they were born.
The main thing is not to discourage the guys, and bitch at them that they arn't doing "this" right and not doing "that" right. if they are not doing anything that endangers the baby, let it slide. They need this time to bond with the baby.
I tried to get my friend to understand this when her kids were little, but she was under the assumption that since she gave birth, the kids were HERS and he was basicly the donor. She wouldn't even let him hold them as babies in case he "dropped" them. as if.
You know, it could be that in his upbringing, he never had the opportunity to change a dipe, or simply that he was raised in a household that his mother did all "that."
We have a friend that had never changed a diaper until our firstborn, his godchild. I coerced him into changing her and he was glad to have gotten that first scary one out of the way. My brother was the same way, but when he dated a woman with a baby (not his), he pretended to be all grossed out about it but damn if I wasn't watching his more-than-adequate technique.
9am may have not met a woman who entrusts him with such a task or has been around women who assume men can't do as good a job at such things. Don't submit him that that website just yet.
When Bean was first born, I used to go to a class for moms and babies. I was shocked at how many moms there had husbands who would not change diapers. They didn't see anything wrong with this! Of course, I spoke up about it, and thereby outcast myself from that social circle.
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