Facing Facebook
Facebook is causing me agida. Yes, again. I hate that it lists how many friends people have. Again, the contest to have the most friends. Quantity over quality. Directly goes against my belief system. Some people believe in jesus. Not me. I believe in quality.
Really, it's just a high school issue. Maybe I should un-friend/de-friend the people from high school? Because I don't care if my current friends can see that I only have 14 friends. And if half of those are Crazy Girl and her siblings. Everyone now who knows me knows what my life is like. And I'm okay with my life the way it is, when I'm thinking of the people who know me now.
But the people who know me from high school? The ones I'd known since kindergarten, who didn't even blink as I walked out of 10th grade in 1992 on a pretty spring day and never come back? The ones I haven't talked to since then. Those people I (irrationally) care about. Not that I care about them, but I care what they think of me. Why is that? More importantly, how can I make it be not so?
I showed a real friend who doesn't have a Facebook account my friends. I showed her a picture of two kids I grew up with, posing together at some hotel during Spring Break in the mid-90's. They are beyond beautiful. Your jaw drops to look at them. One has since moved to Australia, and is an actress there. People I went to school with sometimes missed a day or two, due to little things like performing on Broadway. Or filming a commercial or two in Canada. And the mind-blowing thing is, they were not even popular when we were kids. There are people from my town better looking than they are. How sick is that?
Maybe I need to do Facebook without anyone from home. Of course there's always the option of not using it at all. Except if I didn't, then that girl from Australia never could have friended me, and I'd never know she has become a perfectly lovely person.
I never got a yearbook, from either of my high schools. I didn't attend graduation or the prom. About once a year since moving to San Francisco, I get together for lunch with a girl from my private high school. She is a singer. A real one, like with a contract and concerts and everything. It overwhelms me to come from things like professional singers and Broadway and to be so underwhelming myself. Maybe I need to associate with lower-reaching people to make myself feel better. To get away from that feeling of all the air having left my chest. Are there any janitors or people who work at Target who'd like to be friends with me?
Really, it's just a high school issue. Maybe I should un-friend/de-friend the people from high school? Because I don't care if my current friends can see that I only have 14 friends. And if half of those are Crazy Girl and her siblings. Everyone now who knows me knows what my life is like. And I'm okay with my life the way it is, when I'm thinking of the people who know me now.
But the people who know me from high school? The ones I'd known since kindergarten, who didn't even blink as I walked out of 10th grade in 1992 on a pretty spring day and never come back? The ones I haven't talked to since then. Those people I (irrationally) care about. Not that I care about them, but I care what they think of me. Why is that? More importantly, how can I make it be not so?
I showed a real friend who doesn't have a Facebook account my friends. I showed her a picture of two kids I grew up with, posing together at some hotel during Spring Break in the mid-90's. They are beyond beautiful. Your jaw drops to look at them. One has since moved to Australia, and is an actress there. People I went to school with sometimes missed a day or two, due to little things like performing on Broadway. Or filming a commercial or two in Canada. And the mind-blowing thing is, they were not even popular when we were kids. There are people from my town better looking than they are. How sick is that?
Maybe I need to do Facebook without anyone from home. Of course there's always the option of not using it at all. Except if I didn't, then that girl from Australia never could have friended me, and I'd never know she has become a perfectly lovely person.
I never got a yearbook, from either of my high schools. I didn't attend graduation or the prom. About once a year since moving to San Francisco, I get together for lunch with a girl from my private high school. She is a singer. A real one, like with a contract and concerts and everything. It overwhelms me to come from things like professional singers and Broadway and to be so underwhelming myself. Maybe I need to associate with lower-reaching people to make myself feel better. To get away from that feeling of all the air having left my chest. Are there any janitors or people who work at Target who'd like to be friends with me?
Labels: Little Green, Overthinking, Potential Depth
posted by Green at 5/29/2008 11:42:00 AM
8 Comments:
If I were to join Facebook, I would put myself as your friend. Maybe you could create a category of "People who like me who think Facebook is bullshit"
I don't have a Facebook as I started first on Myspace and became disenchanted rather quickly. Several acquaintances from high school, that I haven't spoken with since we graduated, friended me right away. It seemed so disingenuous. I have nearly abandoned my page now... (Thank God blogger has spell check on comments when I use big words like acquaintances and disingenuous. I should stick with words under 7 letters in the future. yikes.)
A girl from f**king junior high added me, and was, like, "oh you live in Denmark, that's sooo cool, I should totally come over and visit you there!".
Hell no, bitch. You and your family were fucked up then, so I'm not exactly optimistic about what kind of adult you've become now. Maybe if we'd kept contact in the last 15 years I'd consider it, but otherwise just stay put darlin'.
That was almost enough to make me de-friend her, but I'm sure she's got enough mental problems without my rejection on top of that.
I'll be your friend and I'm not on stupid facebook or myspace or any of that. I don't have time to mess with it.
hah... but facebook brings us together... and "us" as in YOU and ME, not some ubiquitous royal we and us. Although, I think we're pretty royal... I was recently befriended by someone who was a total bitch in high school - it's a long story but I thought it was quite daring of her to want to befriend me... but I figure she's only curious and what the hell... I am a supporter of human curiosity.
For whatever it's worth, out of all the friends I have on Facebook, I think I msg you the most consistently. So yeah...
Don't feel bad, I only have three friends. And one friend, I don't think that I know. I just haven't gotten the hang of it.
I don't get the whole 'friending' someone online thing. The steps usually are:
1. Friend request
2. Answer a message
3. Don't answer anymore messages
4. Never hear from that person again, but at least there's another thumbnail picture on the list.
I think there's something about high school that brings out insecurities in everyone. My HS class seems to be quite friendly and inclusive on Facebook - everyone wants to be friends with everyone! - but it just makes me feel bad about myself because I seem to be the only single one, the only person whose profile picture doesn't include kids. Like, OMG, they are totally judging me and will think, "yeah, that Lori, she was always so hideous and undesirable. It's no surprise she can't land a man."
I wasn't even hideous or undesirable in high school - but I have the same insecurities nonetheless. All about people who live 2500 miles away and never left their hometown or have done any of the things I have. And it doesn't bother me that my college friends know I'm single, or any of my other so-called friends, but the HS crowd brings this shit out in me that I can't explain.
So, anyway, you are not alone. Just think, Facebook sure beats a class reunion.
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