Jeepers

Jeepers is the name of another secretary here who's also temping. She's a grandma, from Chicago, and a huge fan of saying jeepers. Oh, and touching people. Like me. In the last two days she's touched me three times, and we don't even sit near each other or have any reason to interact. Today she was wearing a pin-striped jacket with a polka-dot blouse. If you know me, you know I do love me some polka-dots, but this does not look good. And it's not the old, "No mixing two different patterns" rule, because we all know Stacey and Clinton would say that's fine. It's more like she took a fashion risk, and just ... missed. I see where she was trying to go, but she got off the fashion highway one dressing room too early.

Please do not think me petty - I don't dislike her just because she spit white rice onto my desk while talking at me and eating leftover sushi at the same time. It's not because she's outgoing. Trixie is outgoing, and we got along just fine (we run into each other about once a week, and chat pleasantly). No, I dislike her because despite the positive attitude, her words are negative. You can't fool me with your smiles and upbeat demeanor. You're eating sushi rolls the firm brought in, spitting rice at me, and complaining that it tastes bad while laughing? Jeepers, it's three days old! I don't eat sushi but I'm thinking three day-old sushi is not going to taste good.

One of my favorite movies is The Last Boy Scout. There are two lines in that movie that stand out above the others. One is, "I want to meet the bitch who fucked you up." The other one, the one that applies in this situation of rice-spitting and bitching is, "Shut the fuck up and get back in your monkey cage," or something like that.

I always have the urge (always since last week when I met Jeepers) to tell Jeepers to get back in her monkey cage. Everyone where I work is so damn nice that I don't even have it in me to sic her on someone else. "Hey Jeepers, I think Amelia was looking for you a while ago," I could say, if only I hated Amelia. But no, Amelia says hi to me every day and is quiet but sweet.

Jeepers doesn't seem to like it here much. It's not the people, but the work - I think she's dealing with a boring kind of law. Or at least, a type of law she finds boring. Jeepers told me she interviewed at a big law firm last week, but she wasn't impressed. She sits right near one of the attorneys I work for, and in the same breath that she said he's nice, also complained that he doesn't talk to her very much. This is a guy who bills at over $500 per hour. Perhaps he's a bit busy?

I think, like me, he doesn't want to get into a conversation with her, because he's worried about being able to extract himself from it. Jeepers works for one attorney who does a lot of her own work and spends a lot of time out of the office. So she's often roaming the halls, looking to see what other people are doing. I hope she finds something good down there by the supply room. I hear a lot of fun stuff goes on there. Not.

*Exciting new development (that fills me with dread)! Jeepers just sent me an e-mail asking if I'd care to do lunch sometime. Actually, no I wouldn't. Great. Now I have to avoid her until I figure out how to very nicely say that.