I Am, Therefore I Deserve (It's a Long One)
"You should treat yourself." "You work hard; you deserve it!"
I hear these phrases, and phrases like them, quite often. I don't get it. Obviously, I understand what's being said, but I don't get it.
A few months ago, during a big sale, I bought a coat at Macy's for over $100. It's beautiful, it's functional, and it's classic. I'll wear it for years. I know this. And yet. I was so overwhelmed at the idea of spending over $100 on one piece of clothing that I had to ask my brother to come look at it, to confirm its quality, and that it looked good on me.
I've never bought shoes at Payless. I've never bought clothes at WalMart. Sometimes I'll buy Nick & Nora pajamas at Target. I'm not cheap. I'm just not rich. And, if I do say so myself, I'm a tiny bit money-savvy. While I don't know how to play the stock market, I do understand the basic concepts of marketing, advertising, saving, and credit cards.
I used to work for a sub-prime mortgage company. In the legal department, but still. They hired me for my previous experience at having worked in the foreclosure department of a real estate law firm in New York. Do you know what sub-prime mortgages are? They're mortgages for people who have such bad credit that they can't get mortgages. Their interest rates are very high. Often, they tell people who want a mortgage to buy a house "We'll give you one sub-prime mortgage at this high interest rate, and a second sub-prime mortgage at this higher interest rate."
When I worked at that real estate law firm I still lived with my parents. I didn't understand what a foreclosure was exactly. So my boss sat down with me for an hour and explained. A note is a promise to pay (the mortgage). A deed says who owns the house. When you don't pay your monthly mortgage payment for three months, the mortgage company sends all your information to a law firm they have a contract with (normally in the state your house is in) and ask them to begin foreclosure proceedings.
If anyone's interested (let me know), I can go into further details about how to get out of foreclosure (and how to avoid it), but that's not the point of this post, or the above paragraph. The point is, after working at that law firm for a few months I came to the conclusion that "any idiot can get a mortgage!"
As a 22 year-old earning less than $35,000 a year, I probably could have gotten a mortgage. Because mortgage companies would give a mortgage to almost anyone - or so it seemed to me. I went back to my boss. "If it's so easy to get a mortgage, why shouldn't I go run out and get one and buy myself a house?" She smiled at me. "Because you wouldn't be able to afford the mortgage payments and would wind up in foreclosure, and ultimately, with no house and bad credit." Oh. And so I learned.
I realize not everyone has the opportunity to sit down with the head partner of a law firm and pick their brain like I did. I know I was lucky, am lucky, to have so much access to lots of free legal advice. At this point, I don't even know how many times I've gotten free legal advice from the various attorneys I've worked with.
But doesn't everyone know somebody smarter than they are? Let's assume you're college educated, because I think the majority of my six blog readers are. Wouldn't you think someone who's college educated would have taken at least one college course in accounting or finance or some sort of math that teaches people not to buy what they can't afford? Hell, I knew that before even graduating from high school, and I was almost left back in 10th grade!
Granted, I was raised by two fiscally responsible college educated parents. And yes, I know that you can get away with not taking too many credits in math. So maybe you didn't take an accounting or finance class in college. But don't you read? And after you read, don't you think?
I read everything from Newsweek to Cosmo and in both magazines I've read articles explaining the basics of money management. And while I don't pay cash for every single purchase (one suggestion I've read) or keep my credit cards iced in my freezer next to the Ben & Jerry's (another suggestion I've read for impulsive spenders), I think before I purchase.
I think about if I really need it, or just want it. If it goes with what I already have. If I already have one just likeit. How often I'll use it. If I have space for it. If I'll be over wanting it two weeks from getting it home. And often, I walk away without buying.
When I moved earlier this year, after everything was unpacked, put away, boxes were thrown out, I took myself to get a manicure, pedicure, and blow-out. Not because "I deserved it" but because I wanted it, could afford it, and would appreciate it. What I deserved after moving and unpacking was the right, the privlege, of living in my new apartment. That's all.
When I work hard at work, I deserve my paycheck. That's all. I get all bent out of shape when people are talking about money they'll be earning, and they count a bonus they expect to be getting. Think about the word. Bonus. An extra. Something not owed to you. Thus, something you should not count on. Maybe if you work in sales and negotiated a bonus if you reach or exceed your target, then you can count on a bonus. But even then, it's dangerous.
In New Hampshire there is a strip of road in North Conway that has outlet stores, one of them a Coach outlet. Each time we went to New Hampshire we'd spend a day at the outlets, and one of the last stores we'd hit was Coach, for my mother. My mother is not what you'd call a quick-decider, and by the end of the day, we were all short on patience while my mother shopped and looked and touched all the Coach bags. The last time we went, I remember picking up a wallet, feeling the softness of the leather, seeing the price was over $100, and laughing as I put the wallet back. Who would spend so much money on a wallet? Why would anyone need such an expensive thing to hold the money they'll use to spend on other expensive things?
My mother has a Coach bag. I do not. And I'm okay with that. The majority of things I own are two steps above cheap. I own Levis. I bought a pair a few months after moving to San Francisco, and after wearing them and deciding they work for me, I bought three more, donating the five-year old jeans I'd been wearing. That was three years ago, and I recently bought two pairs of jeans from Old Navy. For $14 each, which was why I was willing to buy Old Navy jeans.
Do I deserve 7 For All Mankind jeans? Or Paper Denim and Cloth jeans? You know what? No. No, I don't. Because I wouldn't appreciate them the way they're meant to be appreciated. And I wouldn't look the way people are meant to look in them. And no, I'm not saying that fat people don't deserve nice things, because they do. At least, just as much as skinny people do.
I recently had a conversation with a friend about the difference between need and want. There was something she wanted, and kept saying she needed it. When I questioned her, she explained that she wanted it so badly, and having it made her so happy and she was so very unhappy without it, that she did in fact need it. I disagreed, but went with her to make her purchase.
It's another one of those Differences Between West Coasters and East Coasters I've found. My friend sees being happy as a need. I used to know a couple who, when whipping out their credit card to pay for something, would say "Future [Name] will pay for this." They're from CA too.
I understand. I don't relate, but I understand. I can't fully enjoy something now if Future Green will be crying when the credit card bill comes and it can't be paid in full. I hate debt, and owing.
Lately I've done a lot of interviews, which means sitting around, catching bits of other people's interviews. My competition. And even though it's happened frequently, I can't help being surprised when in response to the "Why should I hire you?" question, the person has responded with "Because I'm a good person and I deserve it."
Okay and we wonder why other countries hate us and think we're spoiled? How are people raising children to think that if they recycle and say thank you once in a while, good things will come to them in life? Like jobs, and expensive purses. If you're a good person, you know what I think you deserve? To walk around in life secure in the knowledge that you're a good person! Personal satisfaction when you go to bed at night that you were the best person you could be. That's it. The world does not owe you.
If it did, I'd be rich, what with all the door-holding I do for people. Hell, just this morning I made an old man smile, and let not one, but two people get on the bus before me. Surely for that I deserve lots of blog hits. And lunch! I should treat myself to a fancy lunch. Maybe at Tadich or somewhere else expensive. Because I deserve it.
I hear these phrases, and phrases like them, quite often. I don't get it. Obviously, I understand what's being said, but I don't get it.
A few months ago, during a big sale, I bought a coat at Macy's for over $100. It's beautiful, it's functional, and it's classic. I'll wear it for years. I know this. And yet. I was so overwhelmed at the idea of spending over $100 on one piece of clothing that I had to ask my brother to come look at it, to confirm its quality, and that it looked good on me.
I've never bought shoes at Payless. I've never bought clothes at WalMart. Sometimes I'll buy Nick & Nora pajamas at Target. I'm not cheap. I'm just not rich. And, if I do say so myself, I'm a tiny bit money-savvy. While I don't know how to play the stock market, I do understand the basic concepts of marketing, advertising, saving, and credit cards.
I used to work for a sub-prime mortgage company. In the legal department, but still. They hired me for my previous experience at having worked in the foreclosure department of a real estate law firm in New York. Do you know what sub-prime mortgages are? They're mortgages for people who have such bad credit that they can't get mortgages. Their interest rates are very high. Often, they tell people who want a mortgage to buy a house "We'll give you one sub-prime mortgage at this high interest rate, and a second sub-prime mortgage at this higher interest rate."
When I worked at that real estate law firm I still lived with my parents. I didn't understand what a foreclosure was exactly. So my boss sat down with me for an hour and explained. A note is a promise to pay (the mortgage). A deed says who owns the house. When you don't pay your monthly mortgage payment for three months, the mortgage company sends all your information to a law firm they have a contract with (normally in the state your house is in) and ask them to begin foreclosure proceedings.
If anyone's interested (let me know), I can go into further details about how to get out of foreclosure (and how to avoid it), but that's not the point of this post, or the above paragraph. The point is, after working at that law firm for a few months I came to the conclusion that "any idiot can get a mortgage!"
As a 22 year-old earning less than $35,000 a year, I probably could have gotten a mortgage. Because mortgage companies would give a mortgage to almost anyone - or so it seemed to me. I went back to my boss. "If it's so easy to get a mortgage, why shouldn't I go run out and get one and buy myself a house?" She smiled at me. "Because you wouldn't be able to afford the mortgage payments and would wind up in foreclosure, and ultimately, with no house and bad credit." Oh. And so I learned.
I realize not everyone has the opportunity to sit down with the head partner of a law firm and pick their brain like I did. I know I was lucky, am lucky, to have so much access to lots of free legal advice. At this point, I don't even know how many times I've gotten free legal advice from the various attorneys I've worked with.
But doesn't everyone know somebody smarter than they are? Let's assume you're college educated, because I think the majority of my six blog readers are. Wouldn't you think someone who's college educated would have taken at least one college course in accounting or finance or some sort of math that teaches people not to buy what they can't afford? Hell, I knew that before even graduating from high school, and I was almost left back in 10th grade!
Granted, I was raised by two fiscally responsible college educated parents. And yes, I know that you can get away with not taking too many credits in math. So maybe you didn't take an accounting or finance class in college. But don't you read? And after you read, don't you think?
I read everything from Newsweek to Cosmo and in both magazines I've read articles explaining the basics of money management. And while I don't pay cash for every single purchase (one suggestion I've read) or keep my credit cards iced in my freezer next to the Ben & Jerry's (another suggestion I've read for impulsive spenders), I think before I purchase.
I think about if I really need it, or just want it. If it goes with what I already have. If I already have one just likeit. How often I'll use it. If I have space for it. If I'll be over wanting it two weeks from getting it home. And often, I walk away without buying.
When I moved earlier this year, after everything was unpacked, put away, boxes were thrown out, I took myself to get a manicure, pedicure, and blow-out. Not because "I deserved it" but because I wanted it, could afford it, and would appreciate it. What I deserved after moving and unpacking was the right, the privlege, of living in my new apartment. That's all.
When I work hard at work, I deserve my paycheck. That's all. I get all bent out of shape when people are talking about money they'll be earning, and they count a bonus they expect to be getting. Think about the word. Bonus. An extra. Something not owed to you. Thus, something you should not count on. Maybe if you work in sales and negotiated a bonus if you reach or exceed your target, then you can count on a bonus. But even then, it's dangerous.
In New Hampshire there is a strip of road in North Conway that has outlet stores, one of them a Coach outlet. Each time we went to New Hampshire we'd spend a day at the outlets, and one of the last stores we'd hit was Coach, for my mother. My mother is not what you'd call a quick-decider, and by the end of the day, we were all short on patience while my mother shopped and looked and touched all the Coach bags. The last time we went, I remember picking up a wallet, feeling the softness of the leather, seeing the price was over $100, and laughing as I put the wallet back. Who would spend so much money on a wallet? Why would anyone need such an expensive thing to hold the money they'll use to spend on other expensive things?
My mother has a Coach bag. I do not. And I'm okay with that. The majority of things I own are two steps above cheap. I own Levis. I bought a pair a few months after moving to San Francisco, and after wearing them and deciding they work for me, I bought three more, donating the five-year old jeans I'd been wearing. That was three years ago, and I recently bought two pairs of jeans from Old Navy. For $14 each, which was why I was willing to buy Old Navy jeans.
Do I deserve 7 For All Mankind jeans? Or Paper Denim and Cloth jeans? You know what? No. No, I don't. Because I wouldn't appreciate them the way they're meant to be appreciated. And I wouldn't look the way people are meant to look in them. And no, I'm not saying that fat people don't deserve nice things, because they do. At least, just as much as skinny people do.
I recently had a conversation with a friend about the difference between need and want. There was something she wanted, and kept saying she needed it. When I questioned her, she explained that she wanted it so badly, and having it made her so happy and she was so very unhappy without it, that she did in fact need it. I disagreed, but went with her to make her purchase.
It's another one of those Differences Between West Coasters and East Coasters I've found. My friend sees being happy as a need. I used to know a couple who, when whipping out their credit card to pay for something, would say "Future [Name] will pay for this." They're from CA too.
I understand. I don't relate, but I understand. I can't fully enjoy something now if Future Green will be crying when the credit card bill comes and it can't be paid in full. I hate debt, and owing.
Lately I've done a lot of interviews, which means sitting around, catching bits of other people's interviews. My competition. And even though it's happened frequently, I can't help being surprised when in response to the "Why should I hire you?" question, the person has responded with "Because I'm a good person and I deserve it."
Okay and we wonder why other countries hate us and think we're spoiled? How are people raising children to think that if they recycle and say thank you once in a while, good things will come to them in life? Like jobs, and expensive purses. If you're a good person, you know what I think you deserve? To walk around in life secure in the knowledge that you're a good person! Personal satisfaction when you go to bed at night that you were the best person you could be. That's it. The world does not owe you.
If it did, I'd be rich, what with all the door-holding I do for people. Hell, just this morning I made an old man smile, and let not one, but two people get on the bus before me. Surely for that I deserve lots of blog hits. And lunch! I should treat myself to a fancy lunch. Maybe at Tadich or somewhere else expensive. Because I deserve it.
Labels: Ejumakashun, Potential Depth, Pounding the pavement
posted by Green at 11/09/2007 11:17:00 AM
3 Comments:
I'm getting sympathy finger cramping from all your typing!
I usually don't spend much money on myself. I don't hesitate to do it if I want to, but usually, I don't. I don't usually feel "the need."
But ever so often, I want something that costs money. Like your mother, I love Coach purses. I carry them forever. I buy basic prints that aren't limiting. I like the way they feel, I like their durability, I like their classic styling.
When I finished nursing school, I bought a brown Coach purse I had been wanting for a long time. Not because I felt I deserved it, or earned it, just because I wanted it and was in a celebratory mood to spend some money on myself for once.
Like good coats, some things just feel right. I'm right there with you in the Nick and Nora PJs from Target (sock monkeys?) and the Old Navy jeans. But my purse is looking mah-velous, as I'm sure does your coat.
I love having a paycheck again. I'm glad you have one again too, Green. You are one smart yogurt.
Holy freaking cow!!!! I was browsing that Coach website and was thinking they were kinda nice, more than I would ever pay, but hey, if someone has money to burn,go for it.
Then I saw the aligator duffle bag!
Who the heck would pay $20 freaking grand for a purse? Thats a downpayment on a house for crying out loud. You could buy a new car for that.
I just thank God they don't deliver to Canada In case I ever lose my Freaking Mind!!!! and decide to order one.
I wish I had $20 grand right now, it would get me out of the hole I dug for myself. sigh......
Post a Comment
<< Home