Could Someone Send Me a Diaper At Work?
I need to give it to Loose Earlobe Lady. Why, you ask? Because...
That's right. She did. Here's how it went down. One of the grandmas was saying something to LEL. LEL was laughing. The other grandma (the one who sends out the clothing memos) was laughing. There's lots of laughing, about what I don't know. Probably some granny thing, like prunes or weather.
LEL comes back to her desk, and she's laughing so hard her eyes have turned to slits. She goes back to the other grandma's desk. There's a slight commotion, the laughter gets louder, my phone rings and I turn away from the action, when I hang up LEL is RUNNING to the bathroom. It is hands down the funniest thing that's ever happened anywhere I've ever worked.
In other (more serious) news, the coolest grandma (the one I always think of as Drunk Granny) has given notice, and Friday is her last day. She frequently drinks, heavily, during her lunch hour. She's that relative whose glass you always want to keep full, because the drunker she is, the funnier she'll be.
Today she came back from lunch sloshed, and after cornering me in the file room told me why she's leaving. HR told her she hit the top of the payscale and gave her a shitty raise. On top of that, the other secretary in her group (the one who's boinking her boss, a partner) routinely takes 2-3 hour lunches each week, and has taken four vacations so far this year. Drunk Granny said that it's not fair, and that she does all the work in their group.
I understand why she's upset and wants to leave. When I told Nice Partner the news, he didn't take it well. His face paled as he said, "You're shitting me." I wish I was - she actually knows more about litigation than Nice Partner, and we both frequently ask her questions. We will all miss Drunk Granny. She doesn't take shit from anybody. She does good work. She's funny and smart.
I wonder if in November I'll find out that since the beginning of October I've been supporting the baby attorney Drunk Granny currently works with, and that everyone just forgot to tell me.
LEL PEED IN HER PANTS AT WORK YESTERDAY!
That's right. She did. Here's how it went down. One of the grandmas was saying something to LEL. LEL was laughing. The other grandma (the one who sends out the clothing memos) was laughing. There's lots of laughing, about what I don't know. Probably some granny thing, like prunes or weather.
LEL comes back to her desk, and she's laughing so hard her eyes have turned to slits. She goes back to the other grandma's desk. There's a slight commotion, the laughter gets louder, my phone rings and I turn away from the action, when I hang up LEL is RUNNING to the bathroom. It is hands down the funniest thing that's ever happened anywhere I've ever worked.
In other (more serious) news, the coolest grandma (the one I always think of as Drunk Granny) has given notice, and Friday is her last day. She frequently drinks, heavily, during her lunch hour. She's that relative whose glass you always want to keep full, because the drunker she is, the funnier she'll be.
Today she came back from lunch sloshed, and after cornering me in the file room told me why she's leaving. HR told her she hit the top of the payscale and gave her a shitty raise. On top of that, the other secretary in her group (the one who's boinking her boss, a partner) routinely takes 2-3 hour lunches each week, and has taken four vacations so far this year. Drunk Granny said that it's not fair, and that she does all the work in their group.
I understand why she's upset and wants to leave. When I told Nice Partner the news, he didn't take it well. His face paled as he said, "You're shitting me." I wish I was - she actually knows more about litigation than Nice Partner, and we both frequently ask her questions. We will all miss Drunk Granny. She doesn't take shit from anybody. She does good work. She's funny and smart.
I wonder if in November I'll find out that since the beginning of October I've been supporting the baby attorney Drunk Granny currently works with, and that everyone just forgot to tell me.
posted by Green at 9/26/2006 09:07:00 PM
10 Comments:
We have a similar story here in the office....only a tad worse. This lady actually told the receptionist to tell the senior partner she worked for that she just s**t her pants and she was going home, on her way out the door. And the funniest part is it happened TWENTY YEARS AGO. The story is still told at every office picnic, Christmas party, and luncheon we have. I've been here five years and hear it every time. If its any comfort to LEL...she's made her mark on office history, so to speak! LOL
Natalie, you just reminded me that when I worked in Manhattan I also worked with a little crew of grandmas. About two weeks after I started working there, the three of them decided to take me out for lunch. After lunch one of the grannies had what can only be described as a poopsplosion in her pants - guess the food didn't agree with her.
Maybe it was because she was very sweet or maybe because it was because she didn't feel well, but that incident barely registered to me as funny. I just felt bad for her. I recall her asking me if I could "see" anything after she came back from the bathroom, and my hesitation in telling her "No, but you smell." I think I wound up suggesting she just go home early, telling HR she felt sick via e-mail.
aWWWW :( that story makes me think of my grandama...
"poopsplosion" i like it, i'll have to use it the next time my baby does his thing, i think it will be good for a laugh while cleaning him up...
If only she had dropped a bunch of oranges on her way out!
"Poopsplosion" - that's a good one.
Man losing your bowel and bladder functions is not funny! Though I tell with great pride to anybody who asks about my wheat allergy how I shit my pants at school one day and that was the last straw before getting rid of wheat! You should have seen me run with my butt cheeks all clenched:)
I am sorry you are losing a great secretary. Maybe she will be replaced with someone equally as great.
I hope drunk granny finds a great new job.
Here via Michele's
They are lucky she's just leaving, since she, if she were vindictive, could file a dandy lawsuit based upon the fact that the one secretary enjoys better job conditions & is, probably not coincidentally, screwing a partner.
Good luck to you, Drunken Granny! Your fellow comrade in drunken efficiency salutes you!
Suddenly, for some unexpalined reason I wish to hire Drunk Granny - of course, I love my secretary and my assistant, but neither are of granny age or amusing drunks. Yes, it is EXACTLY what my office has been missing.
What a delightful post!
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