There's a BIRD In My Apartment!

Do you remember that episode of Friends where a pigeon flew into the kitchen and Rachel captured it in a pot? Yesterday, I thought I was going to have to become Rachel Green. While in my bedroom with the door closed I heard what sounded like a bird squawking. I was sure some poor bird had tried to fly into the living room and gotten tangled in the blinds and was squawking for help.

Let's just talk about the layout of my apartment for a quick minute (hell, why don't I just tell you where all the valuables are hidden too?) so you can picture this correctly in your head. There are two bedrooms that are separated by the kitchen and living room. And that's the whole apartment.

The Steamroller was in her bedroom with the door closed, and I was in my bedroom with my door closed. When I heard the bird squawking, I realized that in order to become Rachel Green I would have to walk RIGHT PAST the bird in order to get the pot to capture it in. I considered calling The Steamroller on her cell phone from mine to enlist her help. I opened my bedroom door a tiny crack and looked towards the window. The blinds were not askew. There was no bird.

You might be wondering what that squawking noise was, since it wasn't a bird. It turns out it was The Steamroller, SCREAMING in some other language to whoever was unlucky enough to be on the other end of her cell phone.

Hours later, she tried to tell me what had upset her so much, but she was still so upset that she wasn't quite coherent and all I know is that somebody screwed her over in relation to her old apartment. Whatever, as long as I didn't have to capture a bird. I'm no Rachel Green.