Odd Jobs Welcome
Most, if not all, of my current major problems would be solved if I had a job. My friends are awesome (this means you), and offer me all sorts of jobs. I accept everything. Blow your husband? Alrig... just kidding. Last week a friend e-mailed me asking if she could hire me. To stalk her nanny.
Yeah, you read that right. She was worried the nanny was not taking her baby where she was telling my friend she was (Wide Lawns, if you want to tell me how to fix this sentence ...). I told my friend I'd do it right away. But I was scared. What if I went, saw the nanny, and she was seriously abusing their super-cute baby? Like real abuse. Would I be able to just walk away? You know, without scooping the baby up and kicking the nanny? What if I had to tell my friend that while she was at work her smiley baby was being hurt? I didn't want to have to see anything like that, or deal with seeing anything like that.
So one morning last week, with a heavy heart I set out to a neighborhood a few train stops from mine, and armed with my iPod and a book, began stalking. The nanny has never met me, and while the baby has, it was too long ago to have to worry about being recognized and outed.
My friend called me right when her nanny was leaving the house, telling me where she and the baby were headed. I got there and waited. Watched the door. Read my book, paid attention to everyone. Went to the second location where they were scheduled to go after the first one. Called my friend to give her an update, then headed to the third place. To be honest, I felt a little uncomfortable hanging around near a bunch of kids I didn't know, looking in at all the shorties playing. Luckily it didn't take long to see what was going on, and then I was finished.
When I got home, I emailed my friend a "report" on everywhere I went, what time, and what I saw. It's not the ideal situation, but it's not awful either. I was very relieved. And that's the story of how I got hired to stalk someone.
Yeah, you read that right. She was worried the nanny was not taking her baby where she was telling my friend she was (Wide Lawns, if you want to tell me how to fix this sentence ...). I told my friend I'd do it right away. But I was scared. What if I went, saw the nanny, and she was seriously abusing their super-cute baby? Like real abuse. Would I be able to just walk away? You know, without scooping the baby up and kicking the nanny? What if I had to tell my friend that while she was at work her smiley baby was being hurt? I didn't want to have to see anything like that, or deal with seeing anything like that.
So one morning last week, with a heavy heart I set out to a neighborhood a few train stops from mine, and armed with my iPod and a book, began stalking. The nanny has never met me, and while the baby has, it was too long ago to have to worry about being recognized and outed.
My friend called me right when her nanny was leaving the house, telling me where she and the baby were headed. I got there and waited. Watched the door. Read my book, paid attention to everyone. Went to the second location where they were scheduled to go after the first one. Called my friend to give her an update, then headed to the third place. To be honest, I felt a little uncomfortable hanging around near a bunch of kids I didn't know, looking in at all the shorties playing. Luckily it didn't take long to see what was going on, and then I was finished.
When I got home, I emailed my friend a "report" on everywhere I went, what time, and what I saw. It's not the ideal situation, but it's not awful either. I was very relieved. And that's the story of how I got hired to stalk someone.
Labels: Cash Flow, People watching
posted by Green at 4/13/2009 09:33:00 PM
7 Comments:
Oh, but you MUST tell us what you saw!!!! Enquiring minds, and all that!
That. Is. Awesome. Clearly you didn't have to kick the nanny. But, dear friend, I ask you this...were you tempted to call the nanny a baby-beating slut and take the nanny job for yourself? Beacuse that was my first suggestion for you. And then I realized that I am an AWFUL person. But really...did you think about it?
Meeks, this is why we are friends from afar. I totally DID think long and hard about whether I could trust myself to be honest or if I would be too tempted to ruin the nanny's job and try to steal it for myself. But you just know if you do something like that, then karma would get me, and the baby would poopsplode on my clothes every single day or something.
LOL. that is hilarious. But I am curious as to what you observed. =)
p.s. did you get my email?
fun! i would love to get paid to spy on people!!! what did you see?
I am seeing all kinds of branching out opportunities here. Stalking people's teenage kids when they go out, potentially cheating spouses, fraudulent recipients of Workers' Compensation injury pay...the list could go on and on.
That is extremely cool, I have to say. I think the sentence is ok. But where did you go?? What did you see??? What happened to the baby?? I need to know these things. What does the nanny look like? Also, I'm with Winey. You could be a professional stalker! how insanely fun would that be? Also, if you see the baby being hurt, run up and grab it and take off. Then call 911 and the mom, so you don't get arrested for kidnapping.
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