There's Some Good
9am sometimes drives me nuts. All that chicken cooking he does in the morning, his inability to leave any of our three counters clean, his penchant for using enough cologne for a small army, etc.
However. I stayed in my room all day today. I've been doing that a lot lately, but today 9am actually noticed. Around 10pm I got dressed and made some eggs and toast. Wait, between the putting on of clothing and the cooking, I took the dirty frying pan out of the sink and washed it. When I first picked it up 9am looked over, asked if I needed the pan, and when I said yes, he said he'd clean it. But I was already standing there holding it, my hands were already wet with water, so I told 9am not to worry about it.
An hour or so later, siting on the couch watching tv, and 9am comes and stands a few feet away. At first I thought he was looking at the tv while standing and eating his cereal, but then sensed he was in fact looking at me.
GY: Hiya.
9am: Hello.
GY: How's it going?
9am: Good. Did you eat today?
GY: Yeah, I just ate.
9am: Are you feeling alright?
GY: Sure, thanks.
9am is somewhat self-absorbed. Dude owns two pairs of shoes, we have a no-shoes home, and he still hasn't figured out I know whether or not he's home based on what shoes are in the entryway. So 9am does not know that I don't have a job. I think he assumes that sometimes I work from home, despite the fact that legal secretaries can't do that. Or maybe he just assumes he didn't notice me the other mornings, since some mornings (when I'm temping) he sees me dressed up on the way out the door, not realizing the reality is I never left the house. He has no idea I don't have enough money for November rent. He has no idea I am deeply in debt. That my credit cards are frozen because I haven't paid them in two months. He doesn't know every time I leave the house I pray to get hit by a car and die and am beyond completely freaking out.
He does not get depression. He told me once about a girl from law school who got depressed and went to therapy. He made fun of her, and made jokes about mental illness. But I am touched he thought I was sick today and asked after me.
However. I stayed in my room all day today. I've been doing that a lot lately, but today 9am actually noticed. Around 10pm I got dressed and made some eggs and toast. Wait, between the putting on of clothing and the cooking, I took the dirty frying pan out of the sink and washed it. When I first picked it up 9am looked over, asked if I needed the pan, and when I said yes, he said he'd clean it. But I was already standing there holding it, my hands were already wet with water, so I told 9am not to worry about it.
An hour or so later, siting on the couch watching tv, and 9am comes and stands a few feet away. At first I thought he was looking at the tv while standing and eating his cereal, but then sensed he was in fact looking at me.
GY: Hiya.
9am: Hello.
GY: How's it going?
9am: Good. Did you eat today?
GY: Yeah, I just ate.
9am: Are you feeling alright?
GY: Sure, thanks.
9am is somewhat self-absorbed. Dude owns two pairs of shoes, we have a no-shoes home, and he still hasn't figured out I know whether or not he's home based on what shoes are in the entryway. So 9am does not know that I don't have a job. I think he assumes that sometimes I work from home, despite the fact that legal secretaries can't do that. Or maybe he just assumes he didn't notice me the other mornings, since some mornings (when I'm temping) he sees me dressed up on the way out the door, not realizing the reality is I never left the house. He has no idea I don't have enough money for November rent. He has no idea I am deeply in debt. That my credit cards are frozen because I haven't paid them in two months. He doesn't know every time I leave the house I pray to get hit by a car and die and am beyond completely freaking out.
He does not get depression. He told me once about a girl from law school who got depressed and went to therapy. He made fun of her, and made jokes about mental illness. But I am touched he thought I was sick today and asked after me.
Labels: 9am, Cash Flow, I'm Hurt, Perky Paula, Rage Against the Green, Turtle-in
posted by Green at 10/05/2008 11:22:00 PM
9 Comments:
hey, it will somehow be ok soon. hang in there.
I don't know what to say other than a bunch of corny things that's going to make you gag ... so .. instead i'll just suggest that you do something you enjoy. maybe write out your feelings/thoughts on this blog (or a new blog) if you feel like you don't have somebody you can talk to. I wish I could offer more ...
I'm thinking about you and worried for you, GY. Even if I live far away and don't check in as regularly as I should, you should know there are lots of people thinking of you.
My brother in law in SF lost his job a few weeks ago, and I know what a struggle it is out there these days.
All the platitudes in the world won't make it better for you now, but rest assured that there are many out here who care about you and would help if possible.
Keep plugging away - it is bound to get better.
I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. I'm thinking of you.
That sucks. I hope things get better soon.
I too only have shiny platitudes to share.
I hope things improve. And soon.
OPEN INVITATION: To ditch the expensive SF apartment - JUST for time being. I'm not asking for a lifelong commitment, here. Dude, I don't love you THAT much. Come live with the cutest hapa child this side of... everything. She is damn cute. And her mom can't cook but she's an easy roommate. Damn considerate as hell, will wash her dishes the second that last morsel of food disappears into her or her child's mouth. THAT anal, yes.
UPSIDE? Free rent until you are back on your feet. Pretty good job market. Save some money up. Freeze your tushie off here and there... What, you're not afraid of a bunch of Scandinavian midwesterners, are ya? Besides, they have this one big suburb of Jewish people. Coen brothers are from there. If it feels too UN-diverse, I'll let you stare at my face for few seconds every hour on the hour.
There. That's all I got.
Hell, maybe I'll move in with mama nabi...
Geez. I didn't know the situation was way out there. You have my sympathies. And I'd really like you to rethink the getting hit by a car thing. Just until all Americans get free health care that is. And then, knock yourself out. But until then, that would be making a bad situation get totally out of control, ruining your finances for life, whereas now, it may just be a rough couple of years.
What other possible jobs have you entertained the idea of, other than being a legal secretary. I know a really great gal in SF (Elijah, check her on my fb)- do you want me to ask if she could ask around?
Post a Comment
<< Home