Not the Discussion I Was Expecting
But I try to be a nice bitch, if there can be such a thing. I try to make sure that when I direct my bitchiness at someone it is deserved. Nothing makes you feel worse than giving an accidental bitching.
It was past 9pm when I finally sat down to dinner this evening. I was eating in my bedroom, because 9am was home and if I sit in front of the tv he has a habit of coming over and standing in front of me silently, waiting for me to acknowledge him. He then talks about whatever his issue is. I spend a lot of time with movies paused. It pisses me off.
Tonight, while eating dinner there was a knock on my door. I did not want to acknowledge 9am, because I am outrageously tired (I haven't been able to sleep during this heatwave) and stressed and, and, and. But I did the mature thing and went to say hi and see what 9am wanted to discuss this time.
Somewhat nervously, 9am asked if he has done something to hurt my feelings or offend me in some way, because if he has, he wants to fix it and apologize. He feels I've been angry at him.
This was my moment to tell him all the things he does that annoy me. How he leaves wet, used paper towels on the kitchen counters, that he never cleans out the toaster despite using it daily, that black dress socks don't go with white sneakers especially when you're going to work out at the gym. But the thing is, we're moving out in a week. I will not be here for the majority of that time. 9am is moving way out to the suburbs. The likelihood of ever seeing him again is quite small. So I decided there was no point. It doesn't matter that his moving out before the lease is up causes me problems. Why? Because he's not going to decide to stay due to that.
I told 9am that what I was about to say might not come out too sincerely because I've been rushing around so much today that my adrenaline was in overdrive. However. I have a lot going on right now and am very stressed, but I'm not angry with him. That we're both moving, and moving is stressful. That I'm going out of the country the weekend before my move. I could not stress the stress enough.
9am then confessed that normally he falls asleep five seconds after laying down, but the last few nights it's taken him hours, because he's been worried he did something wrong or offended me. I asked how long 9am has been feeling this way. "About a week," he admitted.
I felt awful. Spent a few minutes talking about how hard it is to find a replacement roommate to fill a spot on your lease when you have two weeks to do it (9am admitted to now understanding why those 30 days I kept bringing up were important). He seriously looked like a huge weight was off his shoulders. I asked 9am why he carried this around for so long, why he didn't say something sooner.
"I was scared it would be something awful, something too big to fix," he told me. We hugged, and I reiterated that we're cool, said he has to live his life for himself and that I totally understand that. Because he does, and I do. 9am told me that if there's anything he can do to help with all this to please let him know. In fact, he said it two or three times.
So I decided to toss it out there. "Think about if you want to help me move a week from this Saturday. You can let me know if you can do it next week, you don't have to give me an answer right now." 9am's eyes got wide. I think that was a little more than he was expecting, but he said okay to thinking about it. I won't be offended if he doesn't help.
The entire conversation was very weird. For some reason I thought 9am would be angry at ME, because I wouldn't sign the form he wanted that would take away his financial obligations here. Funny how things work.